On Minding your P’s and Q’s

On Minding your P’s and Q’s

Many people erroneously believe that the Phrase ‘Mind you P’s and Q’s’ instructs one to "mind your manners," or  "mind your language," or "be on your best behavior.” All of these ideas are absolutely wrong and utterly miss the very important point.

Mind your P’s and Q’s instructs one on the necessity of paying all heed and deference to the two twin pillars of every community worth being part of; Princesses and Queens.

Princesses by their nature, embody all that is worthwhile in glamour and taste. Ignoring the advice or command of a Princess can result in low debasement of one’s social position, and banishment from the best parties.

Queens, however, are the ultimate authority of everything and everyone. They are the key gatekeepers of all cultural endeavors, maintain the aesthetics of all the best nations, and are never to be ignored. While crossing a Princess can cost one one’s social standing and position, crossing a Queen can result in actual physical harm, ranging from merely having one’s wig tossed aside, to actual beheading.

No one is more respected and feared than a Queen, with the exception of a Nun. No one has ever successfully crossed a Nun, as they always win.

While Queens are often treacherously in disguise, fortunately all Nuns wear a simple symbolic emblem around their neck to warn everyone that they must never be crossed.

- From - A Vile Old Queen’s Guide To Etiquette And Proper Living
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Occupy Wall Street Fails to Impress Baby Boomers

Occupy Wall Street Fails to Impress Baby Boomers - "At least we had better music at Woodstock."


Cheney Receives Heart Transplant From Short Round

Cheney Receives Heart Transplant


At 71 years of age, former Vice President Dick Cheney received a full organ heart transplant from his unwilling eleven-year old Chinese Sherpa Short Round, at the Experimental Hospital of Dark Side Medicine. Head Cardiac Surgeon and High Priest Mola Ram says the American dignitary and dedicated supplicant to the War Goddess Kali is in good spirits and relatively good health. Brief services for Short Round were held at a hidden location under the Temple of Doom. Officials at the International Criminal Court were overjoyed to hear that now they had a possible ten more years to bring War Crime charges against Cheney.

In related news, former President Jimmy Carter is asking The Wizard for a transplant of courage, and former President George W. Bush is requesting a brain. Emerald City Officials would not comment on their relative positions on the Organ Donor Lists, but indicated that Carter’s transplant would certainly be easier, as his soul is so much wider than Bush’s skull. 


Supreme Court Rules Democratic Representational Government Unconstitutional

Supreme Court Rules Democratic Representational Government Unconstitutional


In a stunning move by the Supreme Court today, the nation's highest judicial body ruled that democratically elected representational government was unconstitutional. The 5 to 4 vote Majority vote sited strict originalist interpretation to the founding father's document, to rule that all forms of representational government practiced in the last 200 years in the United States were "At odds with the original intent of the Constitution".

In their ruling of "Rich Greedy Bastards Vs. The Population of the United States", the Supreme Court threw out a long history of civil liberty advancements for all peoples of non-Caucasian descent and for all women. Instead, the court ruled, government can only represent white men with land holdings.

The GOP declared the victory one of "substantial moral authority," and declared that the Republican Party would be 'purged' of all non-white, non-male members. In addition, the GOP declared they would also remove non-Christian members from their political party, 'for good measure.'

While elected officials throughout the majority of Southern and Mid-Western States seemed overjoyed at the ruling, formerly serving U.S. officials on both the East and West Coast, as well as previously elected officials in most major cities, were stunned and outraged by their immediate disenfranchisement and loss of jobs.

"They just don't get it," formerly democratically elected President Barack Obama said, in a clipped interview before he was bodily escorted out of the White House. "Most of these people in the GOP don't have any land either!"

Political Analysts believe that the Supreme Court decision was influenced in large part by The Greedy Quadrillionaire Super-Pac For American Prosperity And White Hegemony who spent over Eight-Hundred-Billion dollars in their media blitz campaign.

In related news, former Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas finally broke his six-year silence on the bench, when the enormity of what he had voted for finally became clear, and he said, "Oh Shit."

From - A Vile Old Queen’s Guide To Etiquette And Proper Living


The National Big Murder Show

This Week In Review:

Psycho-Con and The National Big Murder Show

Champions of the recent national rise in hatred toward our government inevitably support their convictions with examples of the corruption at every level of leadership; local, regional, and national. To suspect less of government might be naive. One must recall that in every level of government there exists not only demagogues and greedy liars, but personal heroics, selfless acts, and diligence for the greater good. Thankfully, those countless quiet stories of justice and fortitude are, much to our mutual pleasure, never told. 

Instead we have The Golden Book of One Hundred Serial Killers, for ages 8+., complete with accompanying sticker sets of victims. For the younger audience, My Favorite Psychos Coloring Book, allows even the most spatially challenged toddler’s hands to produce works leaden with content. While the segue from political hardball to mass murder has historically been a short walk, one can not escape the recent ruling in favor of Jack and Jill and The Bucket of Blood as a primary cause for collective anxieties now so feverishly embraced by the nation.

At Psycho-Con, and it’s demographic rival, The National Big Murder Show, political mass murder is the new crowd favorite. Lines at the new Stalin stimulation games were long, and by necessity, tortuous. The Ghengis Kahn licensed school supplies were top movers, and even the perennially successful Charles Manson figurines were overshadowed by the upstart fever over the newly released Covert Black Ops Trading Cards, and remotely controlled Predator Drone Action Toys.

Manny Tuckhaven, a seasoned mass murderer collector (M&M in the trade), believes the new resurgence in political mass murder is a welcome break from the more traditional obsessions with low-volume insane criminals, or LVIC. "The LVICs will always be a part of the American Dream, but the new kids are bringing all those classics out of retirement, like Goebbels and Napolean and Panama. With support like this, I’m sure we'll see some fresh blood in the arena in no time.”

The National Big Murder Show is at the Convention Center now through the end of the Month. Free admission for documented victims of collateral damage.