In a stunning move by the Supreme Court today, the nation's highest judicial body ruled that democratically elected representational government was unconstitutional. The 5 to 4 vote Majority vote sited strict originalist interpretation to the founding father's document, to rule that all forms of representational government practiced in the last 200 years in the United States were "At odds with the original intent of the Constitution".
In their ruling of "Rich Greedy Bastards Vs. The Population of the United States", the Supreme Court threw out a long history of civil liberty advancements for all peoples of non-Caucasian descent and for all women. Instead, the court ruled, government can only represent white men with land holdings.
The GOP declared the victory one of "substantial moral authority," and declared that the Republican Party would be 'purged' of all non-white, non-male members. In addition, the GOP declared they would also remove non-Christian members from their political party, 'for good measure.'
While elected officials throughout the majority of Southern and Mid-Western States seemed overjoyed at the ruling, formerly serving U.S. officials on both the East and West Coast, as well as previously elected officials in most major cities, were stunned and outraged by their immediate disenfranchisement and loss of jobs.
"They just don't get it," formerly democratically elected President Barack Obama said, in a clipped interview before he was bodily escorted out of the White House. "Most of these people in the GOP don't have any land either!"
Political Analysts believe that the Supreme Court decision was influenced in large part by The Greedy Quadrillionaire Super-Pac For American Prosperity And White Hegemony who spent over Eight-Hundred-Billion dollars in their media blitz campaign.
In related news, former Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas finally broke his six-year silence on the bench, when the enormity of what he had voted for finally became clear, and he said, "Oh Shit."