On Weddings

On Weddings
Few things are more loathsome in life than a wedding; the pompous invitation, the terribly forced and unnatural schedule, the uncomfortable and unattractive attire. A guest list that rarely includes anyone you want to talk to. The gaucherie of a gift registry. The horrific music and dancing. All covered with the slickly sickening sheen of religious piety and social necessity.

A Vile Old Queen suggests one avoid attending all weddings if at all possible. For gifts, despite all indications to the contrary, everyone prefers cash. If your own wedding is in development, elopement may prove a saner course.

If one has a sadistic trait, however, your own marriage can make sweet retribution for all the weddings you felt obligated to attend. There is no better vengeance than being the Bride and selecting the Bridesmaid’s gowns. If one has the misfortune to be the Best Man, the toast is your time for revenge. If one is the Groom, remember that, like in surgery, the right amount of anesthesia can make it all go away.

- From A Vile Old Queen’s Guide To Etiquette And Proper Living


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