6/8/2012
In
a stunning move by the Supreme Court
today, the nation's highest judicial body ruled that democratically elected
representational government was unconstitutional. The 5 to 4 vote Majority vote
sited strict originalist interpretation to the founding father's document, to
rule that all forms of representational government practiced in the last 200
years in the United States were "At
odds with the original intent of the Constitution".
In
their ruling of "Rich Greedy Bastards Vs. The Population of the United
States", the Supreme
Court threw out a long history of civil liberty advancements for all peoples of
non-Caucasian descent and for all women. Instead, the court ruled, government
can only represent white men with land holdings.
The
GOP declared the victory one of "substantial moral authority," and
declared that the Republican Party
would be 'purged' of all non-white, non-male members. In addition, the GOP
declared they would also remove non-Christian members from their political
party, 'for good measure.'
While
elected officials throughout the majority of Southern and Mid-Western States
seemed overjoyed at the ruling, formerly serving U.S. officials on both the
East and West Coast, as well as previously elected officials in most major
cities, were stunned and outraged by their immediate disenfranchisement and
loss of jobs.
"They just don't get it," formerly democratically elected
President Barack Obama said, in a clipped interview before he
was bodily escorted out of the White House. "Most
of these people in the GOP don't have any land either!"
Political
Analysts believe that the Supreme Court decision was influenced in large part
by The Greedy Quadrillionaire Super-Pac
For American Prosperity And White Hegemony who spent over
Eight-Hundred-Billion dollars in their media blitz campaign.
In
related news, former Supreme Court Judge
Clarence Thomas finally broke his six-year silence on the bench, when the
enormity of what he had voted for finally became clear, and he said, "Oh Shit."
